Category: Uncategorized

Military Weekends

Once a month, every first weekend of the month.

A man in uniform…can I get an Amen! Whether he is a nurse, or a doctor, or a policeman, or a firefighter (like mine) or in the military, there is something so attractive and honorable about them.When I first started talking to Josh, I was fan-girling left and right because he was a firefighter in the Air Force. I mean, how flipping cool is that? I was super excited to tell my family and friends about him. He had the aspiration to become a civilian firefighter as well so a double win! I was about to start dating such a cool guy that had so much going for him and best of all, he wanted me to be a part of it. I felt like I knew what I was getting myself into but I never really knew what I was getting myself into until I experienced it. In no way is this post meant to be a downer but instead a learning experience. When Josh got back from his deployment, I basically had him all to myself for a whole month. That month consisted of back-to-back movie dates, lunch and dinner dates, arcade dates, and anything else my little heart desired. It was fantastic and it felt like I was on cloud nine, but like anything else in life, everything comes to an end. I now had to share him with school, work, and these military weekends. I know how lame I am going to sound. I’m here complaining about a simple weekend, while there are girlfriends and wives that have to deal with months and years at a time without seeing their significant other. Even though I haven’t had to endure that long of a wait, I feel for all of you that have and I pray for you patients. For anyone that is dating a first responder, you understand how terrible the schedules can be.

I fell hard from Cloud 9.

When it came time to actually deal with the scheduling, let me just say I had a hard time adjusting to it. I have never ever in my life had the mindset of ‘‘absence makes the heart grow founder’, in fact, it has always been the complete opposite for me. As embarrassing as it may be to say this, I had a very selfish attitude with time. I had never faced a situation where I had to place someone else’s priorities over my own. I’m not going to sit here and say that I knocked it out of the ball park after a month of dealing with it because thats definitely not what happened. In fact, my mindset lead to many arguments that were in no way healthy for a new relationship. Thank God, that Josh was beyond understanding and had the patients to actually deal with the immaturity. So two things were happening here: 1). I was thinking of the past and 2). I was thinking of the future. I was worried because of past experiences and believed that if I didn’t have enough time with my significant other, he would stop loving me and leave me. I was worried about the future and what it meant to not spend time together. 1 + 2 = 3….which is as simple as I was making myself into a huge ball of anxiety and worry. All of that for absolutely no reason whatsoever. I am honestly beyond embarrassed that I had this mindset and even more embarrassed that sometimes I still slip and get a selfish attitude. I’m no where near perfect. My selfish attitude is probably one of my biggest downfalls but the very first step I took to changing that is acknowledging it. Yes, you read that right. Acknowledging my attitude. Instead of ignoring the bad traits we all have, I found it helpful to realize them and step out of the comfort zone they have placed us in and make a change for our own good as well as the good for those around us.

Is it easy? Heck no! Here are some things God told me:

I have come to believe that our bad traits have placed us in a sort of comfort zone. For example, anyone out there just despises to apologize? Even if at the end of the day, no matter what way you put it, it is completely your fault? I grew up watching some of my own family members never apologizing for certain actions they took. I believe it to be their pride that never allowed them to see past themselves. They were too scared to shatter their own egos even if it meant being on better terms with the people around them. Ego = your comfort zone. In my case, I was use to being selfish simply because it always got me what I wanted even if it would upset those around me. Terrible, terrible, terrible, I know! But like I said, it was my comfort zone, it was what I knew. Being patient? HA! Putting other’s perspective above my own? Double HA! Getting out of my comfort zone? Triple HA! So I began to pray about it. I asked God to help me with my attitude and allow me to become more humble. I started doing devotional based on humility and worrying and here is what I was told:

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up” – James 4:10 

“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” – Matthew 6:34

We alone do not have the power to change ourselves, but by cooperating with the Lord, we can overcome even our worst of habits. So here are the 3 simple steps I took to changing my bad attitude into a more humble and worry-free attitude:

1). Acknowledge it

2). Pray about it

3). Listen to what God has to say about it

Often times the best thing we can do for ourselves and those around us, is to realize our faults and want to make a change about them.

-Brigette

Put in certain situations for a reasons

God knows what he does, that’s unquestionable.

I grew up in a catholic home where my parents would probably take me to church twice a month. It wasn’t until I was 19 years old that I stepped foot in a Christian church and boy was I in for a shock. If you’ve gone to both, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. I believed at that point that I still had to follow religious rules so my relationship with Jesus never fully developed. I had heard all this talk about God wanting to be my friend and have an intimate relationship with me but I thought it was all mumbo jumbo because that wasn’t what I was taught. By the time I was 21 I started dating someone that was an atheist. My family was horrified but since I didn’t have a solid foundation with God, I basically didn’t know any better. Roughly 2 years passed and my belief in God was nearly nonexistent. I never realized how strong of an influence someone could be to my life till that moment. I grew up believing that there was a God…and now I was faced with questioning everything, all because one person said I was wrong to believe. I was looked down upon and instead of staying strong to my faith, I became a coward. Needless to say that that relationship was not healthy in the slightest and I suffered a lot.

Fast forward to where I seeked God again.

I’ve heard a bunch of testimonies of where people have amazing breakthroughs and it just seems like the hand of God was placed on them in a tremendous way. For a while I was upset and felt that there was something wrong with me because that’s not how it happened for me. As I mentioned, I suffered a lot with the past relationship I was in. I got so use to arguing that it became the norm for me. If I didn’t argue with someone I felt like things weren’t right. Can I just say how terrible of a mindset that is…good Lord did I need a wake up call. I began to date a man that I knew since elementary school. Some how while he was deployed in Kuwait, we ended up talking to each other via social media. Mind you, I hadn’t seen nor spoken to him since we were in 5th grade. When God wants something or someone in your path, he will make it happen! One thing I learned…no matter how amazing a guy could be, the relationship won’t go anywhere if you, yourself don’t put your part to be as equally amazing. I would get upset for the dumbest of things and to be completely honest, sometimes I still do. But I’m working on it, I promise! I remember one night where we argued and it was my fault (boy will he be happy to hear me admit that). After we hung up the phone, I cried and cried some more. I kept asking myself what was wrong with me. Why couldn’t I be like any other normal 24 year old girl and get her act together? All I remember is that I began to pray. Something so simple. Something I should’ve been doing before. Something that has since then changed my life and my relationship.

The breakthrough isn’t always a miraculous show.

So that is it. That is all it took. I have since then been seeking God and his word. I’m amazed everyday by his promises and his need to just have an open relationship with me. I thank him everyday for opening up my eyes and heart to what I needed. I now get thirsty just to read his word, or listen to his music, or to simply be in his presence at one of his many houses. “The very fact you desire God is an indication he already desires you and has made a way to be reconciled”. I was genuinely in aw when I read that line from ‘Friends of sinners’ by Rich Wilkerson, Jr. The fact that I wanted to seek him, meant he was already seeking me despite the fact that for almost two years I questioned him and flat out gave up on him. I wanted to share this because if you’re anything like me, and think that the only way to come back and seek God is through some tremendous breakthrough, then I’m here to tell you that you are wrong. God blesses us in big and small ways. And sometimes, the smallest steps are what lead to you’re overall victory. I’d like to think that I was placed in all these situations so I could truly understand Gods love and what it is to truly follow him wholeheartedly. We could never appreciate all the good in our lives if we don’t understand how ‘bad’ the bad can really be.

– Brigette