My boyfriend is my safe haven. Anything I may need, I go to talk to him, whether it’s for comfort or support and vice versa. Truthfully he is my best friend and we come together as advocates about 90% of the time. It’s amazing that we can do just about anything together but then that 10% kicks in, a certain topic triggers some sort of irritation and all compassion, patiences, and understanding flies out the window. From advocates to adversaries in the blink of an eye. It amazes me the kind of topics that triggers these behaviors. About 98% of the time, it is over something so insignificant but somehow one of us (mainly me) always finds a way to make it extremely significant. We lose focus of being advocates in the situations we face and after the storm passes, we are left with feelings of regret, shame, and resentment. Three feelings that could very easily destroy even the best of relationships.
So what do we do now?
Over the past few months, I have learned how important it is for a relationship to have a Godly foundation and any kind of relationship for that matter. It is so easy to forget on how we are meant to treat others when we are so focused on always being right and making it all about us. We go straight into victimizing and feeling sorry for ourselves. So what do we do? We pray to God that he might help us refocus our perspective during these conflicts. That instead of focusing on being adversaries, we refocus on being advocates.
”And let us consider each other carefully for the purpose of sparking love and good deeds”Hebrews 10:24
Another thing that we face is the lackof energy we put into fixing the conflicts. Sometimes we may be so angry that it just seems easier to keep on fighting or to simply withdraw. Can I say, right now in a logical state of thinking, fighting and withdrawing probably consumes more energy. But how do we tell our aggravated/irritated versions that? Like Hello brain! Don’t you understand this simple concept?! I can’t count the number of times I have decided to withdraw because I felt like I didn’t have the energy to talk it out. Or the number of times I decided to fight because I just had to be right. Taking the time to work through our conflicts or to stop the competition takes so much energy from us that we decide to take the easy way out. It is so much effort that our selfish selves don’t want to put in. We need to refocus our focus.
Refocus your focus with these tips!
Here are 6 tips that you’ve probably heard over and over again so enjoy reading them once more 🙂
1). Agree to stop fighting. Agree to take some time to calm down and pray about it. Whether it’s with a friend or your significant other, a breather may be in order.
2). Listen to each other and make sure you are REALLY listening to what the other person is saying. (I’ll admit I’m not the best at this one but I will try my hardest to get better at it)
3). Make sure you understand the other persons perspective. (Also not the best at this one but I’ll continue to try)
4). Explore solutions together. This one is so simple and yet I feel like it might get overlooked a lot. But it works! In the process of trying to find a solution, you begin to calm down and now you focus on solutions instead of your anger.
5). Pick one solution and follow through with it.
6). The most important tip of all! PRAY to God that he will help both of you deal with any conflict with grace, patience, and compassion.
“May the God of endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude toward each other, similar to Christ Jesus’ attitude. That way you can glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ together with one voice”Romans 15:5-6